Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's shark week go big or go home
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
