Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
