Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
