wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
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I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize