there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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