i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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