stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
