So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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