why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
