We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
