the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
