I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
