I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
