We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
