Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
