Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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