im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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