Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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