i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
