yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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