ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
"it" just moved
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
