I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
