i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
