People in love make me want to vomit
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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