I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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