it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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