i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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