I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
