I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
