This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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