It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
