i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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