Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
