I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
