why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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