What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
