You made me cry and you don't even care
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
