So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
