The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
