he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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