every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
what day is it and did you see me today?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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