the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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