Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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