You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
