he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
