i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
