I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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