just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
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