too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
