Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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