I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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