if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize