If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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