I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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