Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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