I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
