I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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