I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
