you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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