sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
