some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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