I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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