Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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